Remorse or Redemption?

Greetings, readers..


You don't know me very well, but in recent days I've felt I've been in a fog in regards to entertainment. What I mean is that I felt I no longer knew where my loyalties and efforts should lie when I have free time to live one of my online lives. The story of where I have jumped and for how long all across the field of online games is indeed long and, to me, is what defines who I am to others who will come to know me. In these new days, it seems that I'm losing my flare for any one of those worlds because I felt that I would never get to experience more than what I have already.

What I'm saying about that is that usually, anything new that comes out in regards to content is always something group oriented. It's always meant so that you can play with your friends. Unfortunately, some of us don't really have normal lives or origins, so friends are not an abundant resource for people like me. It makes me upset, honestly, to have something that looks like a lot of fun come out, and then find out you probably won't get to have fun like everyone else just because you don't have a handful of real life friends who share the same interests as you to the point where you all play the same game at the same usual times. Please, don't misunderstand me, I understand that people make friends online, but in that situation, those friendships are as deep as the words that you type to each other.. (that's the only way you know each other, and it does not merit any sort of true friendship feelings between you both.)

So, I've told you all that my life started out in a left field, and my social life followed with it. I've told you this for a good reason..

Recently, my most recent adventures and efforts and fun and that's too many "and's" took place in the universe of Star Wars Galaxies. I've made friends there, I've met new people that define hate for me, and I've relived an entire nervous experience against my will, even though I chose to stick around to unknowingly suffer it all. I reached greater heights that have shown my updated resolve for video games, proving that my flare can still be rekindled. My days there have been both good and bad to me. Now, it's time that I look around to make sure I'm where I want to be. Especially now with the new addition to my history coming soon.. This calls for a small side story denoted by a "*"

* For as long as I can remember being drawn into the gaming world, I've had two computers. The first was an introductory computer, as I perceive it, and the second was the computer that would stay with me through the years until even now as I stroke the keys to type the words you read now.. It's been a good 7 to 8 years now since I opened the box that would contain my ever present friend on a Christmas morning so long ago. We've enjoyed good times, bad times, fun times, and sad ones too. We've had educational times, productive times, and equally unproductive times as well. It's almost a sad thing to think that my baby will be replaced, but she has served with me excellently, and she'll continue to serve as a great machine as she becomes the new housing for my father's company server. I'll name her as I would name even my future daughter.. Zeal(es) -work in progress- . It sounds strange, but this computer has been my best friend, and practically my only friend since friends started to mean something to me. If I ever had a tough time in life with anything, I could turn to my computer when physically possible, and get away from it all to think and handle anything. She is my best friend, and I'll keep her in my life and in my possible future family until the day she is no longer able to function.


As I have looked at my current place, and the place of other worlds I've had the honor of being a part of, I've noticed only one that is once again calling my name. One world where it would appear that its developers truly understand the blight that called for my departure from there time and time again. The world took me from imagination in free lesser online games, to a whole new understanding of role playing and online gaming. The world that hosted my creation's first long term life. That world is indeed Vana'diel.


Vana'diel will always be my favorite, and to this day, I've only had to cancel my subscription, only once, and for only one month due to having to wait for a new card to ship in. Even now as I don't play it nearly at all, Seritle still lives on in his first *actually second, I'll explain next time* existence. For as long as I'm able to pay, he will always have a seat of life there, and will never go away unless he is taken away from me.

Now, I've played it on and off for quite a while, but more off than on in this last year, and now, through watching, I've noticed something. Everything new that comes out there calls to me, it's everything I love. Time travel, true adventures, true work, true fun. There is so much to do there, yet all this time I've been held back from returning home because of my seemingly ill-placed time in SWG. But now.. now I can finally break free, I can see the uncanny updates being made there that call out to my very personality. Things that made me jump with excitement when I saw what my world would be receiving. The new updates have been long waiting for me to come back to see just what Vana'diel can really do for me. Even though I have absolutely no friends who take interest in it as I have, I feel I can finally go back and resurface myself and finally commit my play time to Seritle Zeales I solely. What better way than to debut that experience on the new addition to my history and life, a new computer.


So then, the question arises. Is this an act of remorse, or redemption? Do I feel I have wronged myself by wasting my time, or do I feel that I've earned myself another chance after everything I've been through, online life and real life. Am I reverting back to only disappoint myself again, or am I going back to make a new point in my stories.


There is no mistaking it.. this is not remorse..

It is redemption.